People don't "get" me and i have no idea why

I have spent the whole day cleaning, it's ridiculous. My room has never looked this clean! I'm quite proud of myself. I found it a bit of a struggle to be honest, the past few days i've been eating less and less and its been making me quite dizzy and weak. I'm trying to power through, it's all for the greater good of losing weight and looking better.

I went out on Thursday night, started off at an exhibition opening at 6pm, and didn't get home til 1.30pm the next day. I ended up having rumpy pumpy fun times with one of my friends. I don't know what to make of it, he's a very attractive young man, and it was a REALLY good night, i just don't think i should have done it, i thought i was past the whole one night stand thing.

Infact, i've been feeling increasingly lonley latley. I feel like a piece of me is missing. I have wonderful friends, i enjoy university and working with the kids on a Saturday. It's just, i've been single nearly three years now, and it never gets easier. I have no idea what is happening with the guy i like, we are both so flirty with each other, but then i think, why the hell would he be interested in me?

I've come to the conclusion i'm not the sort of girl guys go for;

• I'm twenty years old and still look about fourteen. Wierd!
• I don't dress very sexy at all, i look like an indie librarian.
• Infact! An indie librarian would suit me just fine, i've always got my nose stuck in a book.
• I'm stupidly shy when it comes to emotions and silly things like that. HEART OF STONE, NO FEELINGS, CRYING IS A WEAKNESS...yeah right.
• I'd much rather stay in, read a book, cuddle, watch a dvd and play video games than go out drinking.
• I'm daft. Not in an unintelligent way, i'm just quirky as hell, and not everyone can cope with that.
• I'm just me.

Your face is a mirage,
Something i have not seen,
Except from a distance,
Only in passing.

Your face is different now
From the face in old photographs
That i cling to fiercly,
Clutching at memories i cannot remember.

Your face one day,
Will read like a map,
Old and grey, your eyes,
Devoid of life will search for me,
And i will not be there,
Just as you,
Were never there.

So for the past few days I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely. It’s not the “I’m completely alone, I have no friends, I have no one,” feeling. It’s the “I have no been single for over a year and all my closest friends have that special some one and all I want is some one to share my stupidity with like them.” I don’t normally let the whole “last single friend,” thing get to me, sure everyone once in a while I have a bit of a whinge. But I’ve never felt like this.
               It’s getting to a point where I’m sick of hearing about my friend’s love lives. Being the “go to guy (or girl)” in the group, I get a lot of relationship question, and I am expected to listen and sometimes give advice, and I don’t mind it at all, now I just snap at people when they tell me things, or cancel plans if it involves being the only single person at the social event.

I also haven’t eaten in over 24 hours now; I actually don’t feel the need to eat. I tried to eat some pizza last night ( pizza is my FAVOURITE food ever ) and I just looked at it for half an hour then ate a piece of pepperoni that was on the pizza slice. I’ve never been so depressed that I just don’t want to do anything. I also haven’t been able to sleep very well at all lately, I keep waking up ever hour, then it takes me another half an hour or so to get back to sleep. I had three hours sleep last night, well, technically today as I went to sleep at 10am and woke up at 1pm.

I hope I snap out of this soon. I’m too laid back to be depressed, I’m meant to be the happy one of the group. I never let myself get like this.

Oh dear.

So i've been feeling really down lately, lack of money, bordem, generally feeling very lonely. So at 5pm i took myself on a little walk around backhouse park to take some photos. My camera died halfway through my walk, and apparently it's never going to work again, so that has upset me even more.
Not to worry, i've had a good cry and i'm back to normal now, so lets take a look at those photos.

I whack on a pair of rather scruffy red converse and head out the house. I'm a bit scared about going for a walk by myself.


This is part of Sunderland High School. It's such a beautiful building, it's called "something" castle. I wish it was my house.


A pretty tree, it made me smile.


A crack in a wall where a bird keeps it's nest, i could hear the babies twittering but couldn't see them, didn't want to hang round too long incase the mother never came  back.


MAKE A WISH!


I'm not telling you what i wished for.


Can you see the fly?


My faveourite flowers.


I love the colour.


Is it a synangogue, is it a temple, i have no idea.


Hmm rather blurry, but i love it.


Loverly sunny weather.


Ahh leafy

Then my camera died. Sad times.